Help Wanted

I’ve been sending prayer requests into the ether ever since I became a shaman, ever since I realized you could fling hopes and dreams into the air and reality would somehow reshape itself. Something would happen. Exactly how that something appeared was a mystery, but the results were unmistakable.

This has been a private practice of mine, until now. Over at her Fluent Self blog, Havi has been writing what she calls personal ads and inviting others to join in.

Today I was finally hopeful enough or desperate enough to post my own. After I hit the Submit Comment button and watched my missive publish on her page, I realized there was only 1 slightly more courageous act to take. That is to publish it here.

Holding my aching heart with love, taking a breath, and trusting the kindness you have all already shown me… Here is what I pray for. I am ready to receive what I ask for and more.

Want: A BIG Want:

In spite (because of?) of 20 years with a brain injury, an autoimmune illness and now adrenal fatigue the joy in my heart continues to surface and expand.

I *know* people want to feel this and I can help them experience this. (Time-tested 2500 year old Buddhist practices that are non-denominational.) This takes effort, attention but so much better than letting mind emotions run away with you and create unhappiness.

I asked my beloved Teacher 4 years ago (!) for permission to teach and he was and continues to be astonishingly supportive.

My problem? Besides the usual inner layers of stuck to strip away, I have less than 5 functional hours a day to do everything life requires. eg, Days I can do 1 load of laundry requires a rest and meals prepped ahead of time. Writing a blog post? Let’s not even count the hours.

I keep trying to implement various processes to bring this forward. I do believe some of the issue has been not staying with one process long enough, but that’s also tied to running out of steam.

I want to find a way that is life sustainable for me to share these profoundly beautiful practices. To put something out there, engage, repeat, connect, repeat in a way that works with my own energy (or lack thereof.)

How I want to get it: I’m not looking for “OMG how awful!” My life is pretty amazing actually, just miles away from most people’s experience.  On the flip side it doesn’t help to hear someone knows *exactly* what I’m going through because of X.  They don’t.  I have heard of Stroke of Insight Woman Jill Bolte Taylor, am delighted about her, but it doesn’t help me share this beautiful work. Ditto other inspiring people.

I appreciate respect for the crucible of my life, and understanding of how it creates perfect conditions for a rich inner life of love and compassion.  If you have a story that connects, I’m happy to listen. But, again, what I’m really looking for today is a way to move the how to live and love and grow no matter the circumstances into the world.

How can this GIFT come to me:

On thing for certain, trying to do this all by myself creates Impossibility Number 1. I think I need real-world helper mice who totally believe in love and compassion and are ready to champion the cause along with me.

A possibility would be someone to invite me into their space, their program, retreat, etc, or doing an interview, or co-creating something so the “container” is there and I’m just pouring these blessings into it.

But I’m open. W-i-d-e open.

My commitment:

I’m at the point in my life (age 53) where sharing this work means everything to me. I’ve had years as a hermit and a mystic and that could still be an option. In my heart it just doesn’t feel like it’s what I’m supposed to be doing now.

I’m committed to sticking with this for as long as it takes, and I’m prepared for it to take years.

Thanks Havi. Thanks everyone!