There’s a Buddhist practice I’ve been working with a lot lately. The Tibetan word for it is shenpa.
Most of the time shenpa is translated as “attachment.” Pema Chodron translates it as hooked, or how we get hooked. She compares it to an itch we can’t help but scratch.
Here’s a basic example of shenpa: Somebody makes a comment that rubs you the wrong way and something inside you tenses. That’s shenpa, you just got hooked.
But it doesn’t stop there. It works like a chain reaction. You get hooked and then you start running a little story in your mind. Maybe you put yourself down. Then you blame the other person. You ask yourself why you even care what they say. You wonder why you haven’t learned, why set yourself up for this all the time. Then you think more bad thoughts about the other person. The narrative just hums along and the next thing you know you’re eating a pint of ice cream without even tasting it. Or shouting or withdrawing or whatever your automatic fallback response is when you’re heading for your comfort zone.
Unless you’re familiar with shenpa, it can be pretty subtle most of the time. You get hooked, you run your usual habitual responses without even noticing, and you carry on with you day
That is, until Shenpa hits a powerfully sore spot and you experience hook after piercing hook.
This is why holidays hurt. They’re practically shenpa symposiums. During holidays and special occasions there’s zero subtlety. Expectations are hyped and energy is overextended. Old family patterns are in full swing. Insecurities are running wild, with the people who push your buttons in hot pursuit.
Suddenly Shenpa is like getting stung by a scorpion. You know exactly why you’re having another drink. You know exactly why you feel like crying. You know exactly why you’re sneaking off to spend time on the computer. The narrative in your head is non-stop and you are likely to be running it for the next 24 hours if not the next 2 weeks.
This is hard. It’s miserable. It’s something too many of us experience when every (shenpa) advertisement, expectation and made-for-tv movie tells us we’re supposed to be feeling comfort and joy. Lots of joy.
Let’s try something different this holiday season. Let’s see if we can learn to spot it as it’s first arising, and stop the shenpa chain reaction before it starts, before things blow up and people get hurt.
Join me for a special program, Surviving Celebrations: Getting through the holidays with your (mental) health and happiness.
I’ll have full details for you next week. For now let me say it’s going to be a combination of recorded and live calls, and maybe a bonus or two.
I’m completely enamored with the idea of sharing some tools and practices to help you make it through to 2010 with your happiness intact.
[Registration is closed. Program is expected to open next year in early November. While you're waiting, you may want to read this post Develop Self Compassion: Meditation instructions for working with the breath. It will help you work with shenpa when it arises.]
